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I wish I won't die soon

  • Writer: fanitales
    fanitales
  • May 23
  • 2 min read

Fun yet sad fact about me. If I dream someone and a white tiger, he/she will die soon. Once, I dreamt the sister of my great parent, then my great grand parent, my grand mother, and ME. No, after my grandma was not my mother but it was me. What happen? Will I die soon? Ofc I know that every life will die. But, this fast? As a mother, I'm not that afraid of dying. But, I'm too scared to leave my children. How will they be without their mother? I thought that I was healthy and happy.


Not until e few days ago where my husband was totally in anger. I left my phone in charged in the bedroom and went to the market. While I leave, my husband opened my phone and checked everything. (I'm scared of typing this bcz I can feel the emotion and afraidness). He opened my personan Tiktok account and found a chat with my headmaster. In the chat, my account automatically sent and sgare videos to his account. No intention at all. I didnt delete bcz I thought it wasnt important at all. Until he found and mad. He was mad four about 3 day. He looked me down, insulted me, and qccused me for cheating.


The truth is nothing happen between I and headmaster. We only have a professional interaction. No more! Fyi, I also have a good and professional relationship with his wife. Nothing more than work.


Until the third day he asked me to swear with Al-Quran that I have no relationship with any man. Ya Allah. Nothing I regret about the swear but his trust. I love him but his mistrust hurt me a lot.


Another word that hurt me is when he underestimated my father for his unability to fix the water sprout. It hurt me a lot.


He also said that we already held his anger to me. He said I underestimated his mother. Dont you know how I felt when she said "I LEND this money, not GIVE it for free". During my whole life, I never be in that position. I ofc realize that I was the one who need the money, but how could she repeat the same word a few times. I wasnt deaf. It hurt me a lot.


Be back to my dream, after that fight I experience different on my body. My body trembles too often. My heart beats too fast in a certain moment. I daydreamt unintentionally and without I realize.


He smallens my circle. He asked me to cook for every meal hours. He asked me to wear clothes and hijab longer. He asked me not to bee too active at school. He forced me to stop being the sosmed administrator and the oofficed of DWP. He asked me to focus more on children.


I do all he asked. But, can he fix my body? It gets worse. What motivate me to live are my kids and parents.


Ya Allah, I want to be healthy, happy, blessed, long live, and rich. I know you can give me, so I prayed to you.


 
 
 

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